Take It Slow

spfjazz15@aol.com — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 22:41:27 GMT

I was just thinking about how things are so temporary. Like you have these amazing connections with people that you think can never be broken. In those moments you believe in everything and it is all alright. And then you hit that point and it is gone. Like where did everything go. So many people out there are just gone. You know. Most people can get over that special bond, but I recall it over and over in my head. Like spending a whole year of your thinking, talking, breathing and then just one day it dissolves. Like in all honesty can we really hold on to things forever, but can we really ever let something go?

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 12 Sep 2005 00:45:05 GMT

Today when I was sitting on the toilet enjoying the lovely sounds of nature, there seemed to be some unusual disruptions flowing through my ears. To my dismay I look out the window and see my crazy neighbor, who must me like 8, selling lemonade. But rather than playing the I-am-a-cute-kid bit, she is yelling out "How would you feel if your home was swept away in one hurricane". Now surely this really scared the shit out of me to the point where I was afraid to leave the house.

By the way, I have a crush.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Thu, 08 Sep 2005 01:52:34 GMT

The first day of school was alright by me. I like only about 1/2 my classes but I'll get over it because I really don't care enough. I'll give a preview of my day.

First- Physics w/ Sarcona: He seems really cute in an old man way. Although he is probably like my parents age. This is my hardest class, but it will be nice to get it over with early. I think I will like it though.

Second- English w/Brock: This is going to be an EASY A. She seems nice, but I really have no care for the people in the class. The teacher has done alot of travleing to central america and guatamala and other cool places, so atleast we will have something to dicuss.

Third- Journalism w/ Hoffman: Stupid, stupid, stupid.

4/5-Gym: Self-explanitory. But I forgot that it was in the Auditorium and I went to the MPR. Sillly me. It was during a lunch period and I was so confused.

6/7- AP Gov't and Politics w/ Wagner: I need to finish my packet for that. My class is okay. Yeah. I have a feeling there is going to be some fights going on this year.

8- Lunch: No room whatsoever. They always over pack one lunch. Freshman year I sat on the floor of the MPR because I was a freshman. I should not have to deal with this as a senior.

9- AP Studio Art w/ Gutterman: I really am not as talented as others, but I like art. Mr. Gutterman is awesome so the class should be awesome. Also it is a break in my day were I can be with different people and a different atmosphere.

10- Math w/ Salter: As much as everyone does not like him, I do. He is a really cool teacher once you break the outershell. And my class isn't full of disruptive idiots as usual.

Over all, after 3rd everything should be enjoyable. I just hope I do well.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 02:23:32 GMT

I really think it is stupid that I don't write in this as much as I should. At all actually. And as it is the day before my last first day of school ever, I have decided that maybe it would be good to write in here, as well as another journal. Because not only does it allow me to remeber certain times and vent my frustrations, writing continously about nothing will still improve my writing.

I have forgotten so many little details that would mean so much to know and have to cherish. But I have wasted so much time thinking I can take it all in by seeing and remembering but in all honesty my memory is shit unless I am rembering something minute.

This is also going to be last year in Fanwood and as it is I can tell that there are going to be a lot of changes. Things I will want to remember and things I will want to forget. But being able to look back on these I entries I will be able to learn and laugh and live off what I have been.

So, for my senior year, I will use this as a way to document me.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 28 May 2005 15:27:26 GMT

I really wish my life was like Star Wars...

spfjazz15@aol.com — Tue, 22 Mar 2005 22:28:44 GMT

The song on my moms radio station right now just embodies my emotions.

"I don't understand. How come?"

I just have this feeling that sometimes things are so real and just right there. It is like I get what I want and everyone understands how I feel.

When things happen how I dream, how I imagine.

It is like when you plan out the perfect conversation, and then magically it happens.

Or when you get that look, and you know it means something.

But it is so frustrating the other times when everything goes wrong. As hard as you try to be clever, you cannot just be straightfoward.

I just want to explain what I mean

spfjazz15@aol.com — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 21:10:06 GMT

Her life was magazines and faithful TV screens selling an empty dream of cars and calories and everything in between the sun and Saturn's ring, but the price tag can't be seen and it took bites out of her insides till she was just a hollow shell. She grew up in east LA watching celebrities living out all her dreams. The plastic canopy of U.S. royalty drew her gaze towards the sky and away from her own mind. And at her home her mother cried cause daddy had something on the side and they didn't look up when she sighed. And when August came around, the bathing suits were on the ground replaced by a cotton cloak. To see her own reflection was like squinting in the sun. And when all tomorrow brings is a set of broken wings it takes bites out of your insides till you are just a hollow shell.

Where is everyone going?

It seems as if we are all chickens with our heads cut off.

And our feet on the clouds.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 08 Jan 2005 17:25:54 GMT

I've been meaning to write an entry on the show that has most severely impacted my life: 7th Heaven.

Monday afternoon, I plopped down on my couch after a long obnoxious first day back at school, and flipped through the stations. I finally settled on ABC Family. At the time Gilmore Girls was on, but shortly after proceeded 7th Heaven. I was going to not watch and do belly dancing, but when I saw that is was the first episode ever, I could not resist my urges to watch.

So I snuggled up deeper in to my blanket for an hour of pure goodness.

This was the episode were Lucy awaits for her period. She is so mad that all her friends get it and she hasn't. The Rev. wants to be apart of her live, and wants to talk about it with her. She gets all huffy and mad at him, and is basically PMSing throughout the whole episode. Her and Mary even go on a run, and the kid Mary likes Mike(?_matts bestfriend) bumps into Mary. Then Lucy was stretching and her tampon fell out. So she ran away. Then she runs home, and gets her period.

The Rev. was so happy and Lucy runs up to him and shakes his hand, and then they hug. He says that the Mom, Mary, and Lucy should go out for dinner the next night to celebrate. She asks him to go to the store later for her.

Thinking back on when I got my period, no one was that excited. And now having my period I still am not excited. And most certainly my dad never ever wanted or wants to talk to me about it. Thats just creepy.

Another creepy aspect of the show is that the parents always want to have sex. Like they are constantly making out and talking about sex. Clearly they are sex driven considering they have seven children, but its gross that this is a kids show and all they do is want to have sex.

Earlier in the episode Mary wants Matt to " show her how to better her foul shot", which really means teach her how to kiss. Then the Rev. sees, and thats kind of sick and twisted also. If I saw my children doing that, they'd be put in therapy.

Along the lines of incest, Simon really wants a dog. So he is praying to god to get him one. He really wants to show his parents that he can be responsible, so he teaches Ruthie tricks. He has her rolling over and sitting, and he keeps calling her good girl. He really has her convinced that she is a dog, which also freaks me out.

What I am really trying to say is that with out Seventh Heaven, I wouldn't know how to deal with my life, and I am thankful for it.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Wed, 08 Dec 2004 01:51:33 GMT

Happy Channukah to my fellow Jews!

So I haven't been updating at all, and I have kinda been waiting for something really interesting to happen so I could tell you. But as you can tell by my rambling nothing at all has happened, but this is my journal and I am in a rambling mood.

If you didn't know today is the day of Pearl Harbor.

So Friday I went to the hair salon to get my hair did. I wanted to go lighter so I asked Theresa for blonde highlights. This wasn't like when I went to Nancy and we picked out the color, Theresa made her own concotion.

So she puts it all in my head and then sticks me under this heat thingy which made me feel sick. So she takes the back out and it was like platinum. And she was like no dont worry it will wash out. So she cuts my hair and I like that, minus the fact that she took too much off. So I hate it. But she likes is

Unlike my normal self who is usually pushy, I was like its great, and she said the worse thing "You'll get used to it". So I am like shit. When my mom and I leave I am like I hate it. My mom then proceeds to drag me back in. Theresea puts a toner on, so now it is a little lighter than my old color.

Then I went to open mic night.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 20:43:59 GMT

Awesome long weekend in general.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 22 Nov 2004 23:26:26 GMT

I am at Kara's house and while Emily and her do homework, I am online cause I wasn't in class today and I don't feeling like doing it.

Other than that, I am extremely exhausted from a very fun weekend in Philly for JSA. I <3 JSA.

What sucks about this weekend though is that I lost my purse, and it doesn't seem as if it is turning up. And the more I think about the worse I feel.

In the words of Julianne, "Peace out".

spfjazz15@aol.com — Thu, 04 Nov 2004 03:01:30 GMT

I leave for San Francisco in the morning and I am way stoked!

While there I am going to probally see Death Cab for Cutie, which makes me even more way stoked!

In other news, the idiot that runs this coutry will keep doing it for another four years. So what does this mean other than that America is completly unaware of what has been happening for the past four years, and really could give a shit for whats about to come. This means that there will be a draft, basically taken us. In the next couple of weeks the U.S. will be preparing to attack Fallujah, which will be our hardest nad probably least successful battle in the Iraq war.

But what can you say. Only 17% of young America voted, so fuck it we brought this upon ourselves.

Thanks America ;)

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 25 Oct 2004 01:08:28 GMT

So some guy hits on me at work. Then I see him today as I walk into Barnes and Noble. Kinda creepy?

I am really unhappy, and I just want to get away. Forever.

Please stop calling

and using me

and looking at me

and making me cry.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sun, 10 Oct 2004 04:14:14 GMT

I get bored way to easily.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Tue, 05 Oct 2004 01:23:00 GMT

So I've never used the new update thingy. I don't really get it.

In case you were wondering I went to Florida this past weekend. It was so punk rock. I watched some lady throw up and freak out on the plane ride there, and she was on the ride home. I swam in the Gulf of Mexico, twice. I haven't done this since like Seventh grade. It was so warm, and I finally got to swim out to the sandbar. I ate red meat, twice. I didn't wear sunblock and hardly got burnt. I saw Neddy, and stayed at his house. We, along with Michelle and Sarah saw Converge. This is where I discovered how lame the Florida scene is. I mean they can't dance. Now I am home.

I am not feeling to hot. I have had bad sinuses all day. Mrs. Gower puts it best,"You look worse than I feel". I have also had really bad stomach cramps and heart burn.

I played in the third game against Cranford today. It was weird cause I wasn't suppose too. Tomorrow the Coach is having a meeting with Dr.Heisey and Mr. Harmer. I wonder if it is about the anti semitism?

Wow long entry.

Push the little daisies and make them come up.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Tue, 14 Sep 2004 21:01:52 GMT

Hopefully some day I will step out of my imaginary world and really notice what is happening.

I hate living my life knowing that most of it is made up. I hardly can tell the difference between real and fake. I wake up not doing what happened the day before or what I need to do for the day ahead. I feel as if I am supposed to be doing something, even though I am not. I cannot remember where I am or where I have been. I wake up at night and get up to shower because I believe I am going to be late. I want my relationships to be real. No more make believe.

I am sick and need help.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sun, 12 Sep 2004 04:43:49 GMT

MMMmmmmmmmmm...

Tasty.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2004 14:49:17 GMT

My mom has been pushing everything at me lately. She will want me to get a job, but then she won't like that I am workin late. I have only worked two days and she is already asking me to change my schedule. She also chooses at 12 a.m. to discuss this. It's really annoying and I can't deal with it.

Not only has she been bothering me about work at 12a.m., she really likes to bother me about school work. If I don't do it that's my fault. Get over it. I hate that whenever we go over friends house conversation turns to school, and I always get bashed for not doing my work. I hate it, it's not like we will have a test the first day.

I have been really sick lately, and haven't been eating much. I also can't sleep. I don't have to much benadryll left and I am saving those for the school year.

If you were wondering(megan...kara..) I have work again Tuesday from 7 till 10. Stop by, it would be exciting!

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2004 04:27:16 GMT

I love working at Cold Stone Creamery so much. Everyone is awesome and even though it's a lot of work, it is soo much fun. Everyone should come see me work tomorrow at 5!

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 28 Aug 2004 21:52:40 GMT

I made the JV Volleyball team. Its really neat. The girls are all nice. I feel bad that some girls didn't make it. Try-outs were hard, as in I haven't been online in the past 3 days because I couldn't walk down the stairs.

I am really excited for the school year! I want to do work.

I applied to Cold Stone Creamery. The pay is shit. I might work there. I'll probally get offered, but now I might not have the time.

YAY!

I believe that love is the answer

spfjazz15@aol.com — Fri, 20 Aug 2004 01:07:43 GMT

HOME FOR GOOD... and it sucks.

So it has been one of the longest summers of my life and yet it has been too short. I have accomplished so much in just 2 months. Thinking about it all I really cannot regret anything. I love what I am and what I did, and that won't change.

I have grown so much this summer and met so many different people and experienced so many new cultures and ways of life that coming back to SPF is quite a disappointment. As I look through everyone's livejournals I have been realizing how nothing changes here, and how everyone is just the same. I feel bad for those who stayed here, and were trapped. You truly missed out on something amazing.

I will post pictures of my travels when I get a chance...

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 31 Jul 2004 02:36:06 GMT

I want to be back in Israel.
I want to be able to see everyone I love in Massachussettes and everywhere between here and there.
I want no humidity and allergies.
I want Magnum.

ISRAEL WAS SABABBA!

You say goodbye, while I say hello

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 26 Jun 2004 15:00:31 GMT

I am going to Israel for about a month.

You could write me but I don't know the address.

spfjazz15@aol.com — Sat, 26 Jun 2004 04:48:26 GMT

I don't know if I am ready for all this yet.

Like a japanese cowboy...

spfjazz15@aol.com — Mon, 21 Jun 2004 21:23:15 GMT

I keep going shopping but not buying anything. It is truly depressing.

On a lighter note, Israel is an arms length away.

I love the color and word gold.

...Or a brother on skates